Confessions of a Sober Cab - The Parental Version

Cousin Mark was getting married! Clearly that meant two things; his wonderful girlfriend would now be an official member of the family, and we were going to party! The hubby and I were in a pickle though, seeing as we both wanted to get a little pickled ourselves that evening. I knew that Andy would want to drink and celebrate with his cousin and I certainly didn’t want to ruin his fun by asking him to sober cab. Besides, I knew the only way I’d manage to get at least one dance out of the guy was to get him drunk enough to not notice he was dancing. I wanted to cut loose as well and enjoy my night drinking with my siblings in law. It’s not very often that we’re all in town together, much less for a party, and a wedding at that. Plus, craft beer loving Mark would be supplying the party with kegs galore of Schell’s Oktoberfest. I really enjoy their Oktoberfest and wanted to take full advantage of the bride and groom’s hospitality. We did have an option for a ride though… Ma and Pa Strom.

Our sober cabs for the evening. (Studio Veil photo booth)

 

Really, it was perfect. They were going the same place we were, at the same time! Those are of course, the most basic rules of carpooling. And since they planned on driving home we knew at least one of them would be sober. Which is the first rule of taking a sober cab – making sure your driver is actually sober. Besides, if your parents were like the majority of parents I knew growing up, they always stressed the same rule – don’t get in a car with someone who’s been drinking. Andy’s parents were no different. And just because we were now adults and could legally drink didn’t mean that they had stopped worrying. Sometimes I think they worry more especially because we can legally drink. So of course they weren’t going to tell us that they couldn’t give us a ride. Go back on what they’ve been preaching since we were sixteen? That’s something no parent ever really wants to do. Besides, Andy still mows their lawn and they really didn’t want to mess that up.

As a bonus, brother Bob and sis-in-law Nichole were rolling in from out of town and needed a ride too. It was a regular family reunion. As we piled six deep into the old minivan I got the distinct impression that Ma and Pa Strom were actually enjoying themselves. Ok, maybe not so much when we were hinting (and not so subtly) that we wanted to pregame the wedding at the bar near the church. The idea was shot down and instead we arrived early and found our seats with the rest of the Strom clan in the church. We were witness to a beautiful and touching wedding, complete with a family photo at the end. And then it was on to dinner, dancing, and a night of debauchery!

 

Photographic evidence of debauchery. (Studio Veil photo booth)

 It was the best of both worlds – a lovely family wedding and a night of beer drinking with the buds.  The beer was wonderful, as the Oktoberfest from Schell's always proves to be, and it was free and free flowing. The beer flowed so freely in fact that Mark’s loving cousins got together and rewrote the announcement on the marquee sign at the venue with a touching message for the loving couple. I did successfully get Andy drunk enough to dance with me for the last song of the evening and my mood got as ripped as my fishnets stockings did after a night of breaking it down on the dance floor.  The ‘rents drove us safely home and I could tell that they were touched by our drunken bonding in the back seats of their van. They had most of their clan safely in their care, giggling over a night of drunken escapades and fun. We took them at their word, to always let them know when we needed a safe ride home, and they in turn held up their end of the bargain. Who knew mom and dad would provide one of the best sober rides we’ve had in a while. Besides, they got to spend some time with the kids, even if we were a little extra bubbly, and what parent doesn’t like that?

This is what happens when you provide such good beer. (via Mark and Jess Strom)

 

So while you think your parents are the last people you'd like to get a sober ride from, remember that they really do want to see you just as safe now as they did when you were younger. And if you're going the same place already, why not take them up on a ride and carpool? Besides, you're a legal, drinking adult and they can't yell at you for drinking all the free beer you can hold! Consider your parents the next time you need a sober cab, and hey, if they need a ride, return the favor!

Confessions of a Sober Cab: Walk This Way



In the wilds of Wisconsin, eating the native food.

Sometimes getting to the party in a car just isn’t an option. In my drinking history there have been times where nobody had a working car (college) or the logistics of parking and driving just didn’t work out (downtown events). Sometimes it simply boils downs to the fact that nobody wants to be the driver (often). That’s the way it went down at the New Glarus Bacon, Beer, and Cheese Festival. There were only two of us out in the wilds of WI for the festival and neither of us wanted to be the sober cab. Hey, it happens! In this case we both wanted to SAMPLE ALL THE BEER!  Plus, we had taken the SUV for the trip, which is a manual transmission. I can’t drive a stick. This is a vehicle decision that the husband has regretted from time to time, usually on a sunny hung over drive home in the AM. Oh he could teach me, but then I’d be the one steering my throbbing head through the bright sunlight. I’m in no hurry to learn. 
So where exactly did that leave us? Since we’d already invested a fair amount into gas to get to the other side of Wisconsin, we didn’t feel like paying for a cab ride. Don’t worry though beer lovers! There are options besides motorized ones, so don’t cancel your plans out for the night! Among them we have biking (we had no bikes), travel by beast (there were no available beasts to ride), or the most awesome of all sober car-less methods - the piggy back ride. (The piggy back ride method should be used only in extreme cases of drinking fun however, as it is likely to lead to the loss of the knees in your jeans and a very sexy case of forehead scrape.) Surprisingly,Andy didn’t want to partake in the most awesome method, so we were stuck with something more mundane – walking. 

Hear me out. First off, walking your intoxicated self home can be quite fun. In this case, we were walking from our campground to the festival, and back again, and we happened to pass the New Glarus brewery on the way.  We decided get a head start on the festival with a couple of Serendipity’s on the gorgeous patio outside their tap room. If you’re walking to some place to drink beer, in which you’ll pass other places to drink beer, there are simply more options to drink beer. It’s very simple reasoning really.  When you’re walking you have the ease of stopping in someplace for a quick patio beer that all parties involved can partake in. 

Hello, it's nature, was it me you're looking for?



There’s also nature, if you’re into that sort of thing. And why wouldn’t you be? There’s nothing better than taking a stroll through a shaded forest path and hearing the birds sing. As our hiking path led us through the woods and straight into downtown New Glarus, I was reminded that the destination wasn’t the only thing to look forward to enjoying. The journey can be just as fun, especially if you like your companions. (This is key to any beer event or night out really.) Part of the appeal to walking to and from an event is the ability to enjoy your surroundings and your company at your pace, without the worrisome distractions of traffic lights and…pedestrians.  Plus, exercise, right? Hey, take it where you can get it, especially if you plan on consuming massive quantities of bacon and cheese with your beer. 

The walk back to campsite, sweet campsite, was even more fun because beer. We drank our fill at the festival and began our summery stumbles home, stopping at Ruef’s Meat
Market for a campsite dinner. We grabbed a package of their beer and onion brats, made with Spotted Cow beer. Hitting the local grocer up the street, we added a smoked cheddar cheese and a bottle of New Glarus Strawberry Rhubarb to our evening picnic. Once we got back to our site, Andy set about grilling the most fabulous brats I’d had to that point in the summer. I set about drunkenly scavenging things to finish our picnic, such as this wonderful New Glarus cutting board I discovered.  We dined to our hearts content and fell asleep well exercised under the stars.



Cutting board  - patent pending. 

But don't forget to be safe my fellow walkers! Don’t fall prey to dangers that can come with a drunken walk home, mostly dangers due to being drunk and walking home. Be smart about it – don’t walk in places you shouldn’t (like a freeway), don’t stumble in and out of traffic (like…a freeway), obey any signs you see (stay off the damn freeway!), and for beers sake look both ways before crossing a street. Finally, you should follow the buddy system whenever you can. Your buddy will help you stay on track to make sure you get home, and the right home at that. They also can provide a landing mat in the event of a fall, which may occur when you’re walking and drinking. I myself had to use my buddy as a landing mat during a memorable walk home with my college roommate. While supporting ourselves in a manner similar to that of a three legged race, we somehow managed to trip ourselves. With our dexterity compromised, we rolled around on the sidewalk on top of each other, vainly trying to get up. It was just enough of an effort to cause us to struggle for a few minutes, a heap of giggling hair and limbs. As a passing truck full of frat boys hooted their enjoyment at watching two drunken twenty something’s play invisible twister on a WI sidewalk, we managed to pull ourselves up. We stumbled and giggled the next 15 feet to our dorm without further incident. Inside…well was another matter.  But we followed the rules to drunken walking and made it home safe, minus a few bits of denim on our knees and some elbow skin. 

We need this to help recover from the exercise.
That is medicinal cheese.



So don’t forget my fellow beer drinkers, that walking home is an option. Trust me, it’ll be a blast and the buzz will make your forget that you’re exerting yourself physically. Luckily Andy and I managed to stay upright during our walk. But had I fallen, I would have pushed him first. Remember, your drinking buddy is your friend and companion, but they make a great landing mat as well.

Confessions of a Sober Cab

You’ve got your phone, wallet, and I.D. – everything needed for a great night out drinking beer. Whether it’s at a taproom, beer event, or bar, you’re set to have an awesome night out with friends, new and old. Hopefully you’ve also thought about your way home for the night (or early morning as it usually happens in my situation). Of course I’m talking about a sober cab!

Sober cabs, or designated drivers, serve an important role in every drinking situation. The main goal of a sober cab is of course to get everyone home safe and free of shackles. Believe me, nothing kills a good craft beer buzz faster than seeing red and blue lights in the rearview mirror. If that doesn’t sober you up, spending a night with a stranger in a cell will clear your head right up. Did you know that those things don’t have any privacy? None at all! Have you ever had to use a toilet in front of what is essentially a room full of strangers? I guess it would be the quickest way to break down any barriers between you and your new roommate. Nothing says “Hey roomie, nice to meet you!” more efficiently than taking care of business in front of your new friend. Although it’s best to get that hurdle out of the way since you’re probably sharing the scratchiest blanket on Earth for the rest of the night. Hmmm….are you a little spoon or a big spoon?

But I digress. We’re all adults here and know the importance of sober cabs and the consequences of drunk driving. The purpose of this series – Confessions of a Sober Cab – isn’t to preach to you or reprimand anyone for their actions. I’m neither your mom nor Officer Friendly. Instead I want to help you enjoy your nights (days?) out and encourage you to be the best sober cab or peanut gallery member that you can be. And let’s not forget the fun parts that come along with the end of the night. Some of my best nights out haven’t ended at the bar. They’ve ended in laughter in a cab ride home, or with the occasional house after party. Just because you’re heading home for the night doesn’t mean your night is over. Unless of course you’re the peanut snoring in the back seat. Then it’s probably best that your night end soon with a soft blanket and private toilet facility.

In this series I’ll share my tales from the driver’s seat and the peanut gallery with you. This friends, is where the confessions come in. I love a good story and am happy to share my hijinks with you. We’ll look at the unspoken rules sober cabs and peanut gallery members should abide by. We’ll also look at options for sober cabs and ways to get safely home. And while I may touch on serious points at times, I intend to get down to the funny side of drinking life and expose what happens when the lights go off downtown.  So hop in. My name is Vicky and I’ll be your driver. See you soon!